What Sunrise Has Meant to Me

[Elimnyama]

I first started RPing on A Bug's Muck (based on Disney-Pixar's A Bug's Life) sometime back in 2000. I was fourteen years old. I remember it took me something like two weeks from when I first came across A Bug's Muck's website to figure out that I needed to download a client, and another week after that before I discovered the right configuration of text to get past the welcome screen. I'm not sure exactly when or on whose advice I made the jump to African Tails, but it was sometime soon after.

Like any newbie, I was desperately trying to fit in. Everyone I talked to seemed so cool, so knowledgable, and I was so in love with the movies these places were based on that I was quickly drawn in. I started logging in every day and wandering around from room to room, devouring even the most poorly-written room description like it was Shakespeare. Everyone around me seemed like such a gifted storyteller. And the first time I encountered someone with a 'King' title on African Tails, I was too intimidated to even talk to him. It was like meeting the President.

My education began.. I learned how to formulate a pose, that Kings and Queens were actually very nice people, and that it was not appropriate to burst into a room and pose biting off another lioness's head just to see what would happen (*ahem*). I also learned that not everyone was there for the same reasons, and that an invitation from someone playing a lion to "go back to his cave with him" is not so that the two of you can have a chat about how much you love Disney movies.

But for the most part, I loved the people I met and I quickly began to make friends. Some of them I would know for years and years, while others would make a brief although memorable impression on me. Still others I only remember now when I read though an ancient log. I get a shock when that name pops up, and I say "Oh my god, I remember him!" or "She was so funny!" or "He was so weird!" Good memories, embarrassing memories, people I'm glad I don't know anymore and those that I never, ever want to forget used to be a part of my life.

We can all attest to the fascinating power the world of The Lion King exerts. Many of us were children when we first saw it, and it truly suspended our reality. It painted for us a mysterious world of colors, landscapes, and creatures that we could only imagine. I wanted to GO there. I wanted to SEE those things, but I knew I couldn't. I could go to Africa and look at the scrubby trees and the enormous landscapes and the animals, but no plane ticket could take me to a place as beautiful and seductive as the world of The Lion King.

As I entered the angst-ridden period of my teenage years, it was this unattainability that kept me hooked on roleplay. The kind of yearning I got in the pit of my stomach was as wonderful as it was excruciating when I thought about all the places and people introduced to me by my favorite movies and books - all these places I couldn't really go, people I could never meet because they just weren't real. Roleplay was a way of getting there, because as I typed I could really see it in my mind - the place, the character. I could smell the heady odor of the savannah, feel the grit under my fingers, and the cool touch of the wind on my face. Writing those words was a relief for me that couldn't be satisfied as easily or as completely by any drug. My whole teenage life, I never drank or smoked or lit up a joint. I was addicted to roleplay.

As time went on, my relationship with roleplay changed, of course. At twenty I didn't have the same need for 'escape' as I did when I was fourteen. By then Sunrise had come along and I became devoted to my characters. I loved Binstari and Elimnyama (and Blake from Crossroads MUCK), like a parent. I protected and indulged them, laughed and cried with them, beamed with pride for them and hated their enemies.

And always there were my friends; my wonderful network of MUCK friends who were, thank God, just as crazy as me! Eventually your parents get tired of hearing about the trials and tribulations of your beloved lion character, but MUCK friends never tire of making up stories about him with you. My characters were my children, but both they and I would've been blank slates without the amazing people I've been able to meet through online roleplay. Our relationships are highly unique. Nowhere but the internet could you know someone so well, for years and years perhaps, and still never have met them in person!

And yet.. even having said all that.. even considering the wonder, the painful desire, the love, and the friendship that The Lion King and roleplaying has brought to my life over the years.. we all have to grow up someday. I don't need to escape my life like I used to, I have too many responsibilities now to check-out of reality even for a few hours, and when I happen to come across The Lion King when channel surfing, I only smile and move on.

Why did I write all this? Well, I wanted to try to put into words the part that all of this played in my life while I was growing up. There are so many people I miss, characters I miss, moments that I wish I could recreate. The experience has affected me beyond anything I could've expected, and while I've since grown up and moved on I can't forget what I owe to this place, to MUCKs in general for existing, and to all of you that I have known and loved for so long. You were there for me when I was the geeky, shy, awkward, pimply, unconfident, clumsy, stupid, and just plain weird kid who wanted, more than anything, to get to a place that was never real.

This is what Sunrise and roleplay has meant to me. What has it meant to you?

[Kamau]

Aww Elim, very well-said.

Like many of you I grew up on The Lion King. It was my favorite movie growing up, and when I was four or five and my grandma gave me a stuffed Simba toy for Christmas it instantly became My Thing. Lots of kids had a blanket or a teddy bear or something, but I had Simba.

I first came across African Tales in high school at the invitation of Arazia to play one of her cubs, a barbary girl named Faida. There was a group of four or five of us who came over from another game, but of that group only a few actually made characters and only two, myself and a boy, who ever RPed. I couldn't get into it too much then though, too intimidated to ask for RP and too busy to seek it that often.

When I returned it was also at Arazia's invitation and I figured, what the hey. This time I made Kamau, the young Lord of Tyne, who was awesome because he came with built-in siblings! Who'd actually play with me! Onaedo was the most active of these, and their friendship was only improved when Sundali frolicked into Tyne to complete their trio. They immediately made me feel comfortable, and shook my shyness far enough away that I'd ask others for RP and friendships only grew.

I can hardly express in words how much I adored everyone in Tyne. Everyone wrote so beautifully, were so welcoming, that how could I not feel at home? On top of that, nobody could plan how perfectly the characters fit together. Kam and Ona as the wonder-twins Dark Lord and Golden Boy, brains and brawn, but only really completed with Sunny's heart. Elim and Aitan as wise older brothers, and the only things that really kept Kam even remotely on-path. Kione and Kale as, unfortunately for them, the bullied, but even that made Kamau into who he later became. And I loved it all.

I never expected for Kamau to be chosen as heir to Tyne either, even in a co-capacity. When I joined the game it was with the explicit knowledge that I Would Not Be King. It Was Not Possible. Don't Even Dream. So I didn't, and that was fine, and I had a million other thoughts in my head that were equally if not more awesome about what Kam would end up becoming. And it made it that much sweeter a surprise when I was eventually pulled aside and asked, hey, how would you like it for Kam to become a King? Just a game it may have been, but I was touched that myself as a relative newcomer had impressed a group of people whose RP skills I looked up to so much that they would even have considered such a thing. That they knew it would cause a little bit of OOC drama (and it did, sadly) and asked me anyway was even more touching. It was never about being King, for me, it was about the intentions behind the offer that made me feel special.

My only regret with any of it was not knowing the end of Kamau's story. Did he and Ona manage to save Sundali? Would he and Sundali have actually become more than friends? Would she have really died, and if so how would Kamau have handled it? How did Ona and Kam's relationship change after Kam became King? Would Kam and Kale'Kizuka have ever managed to unite as Kings, or would their rivalry tear things apart? Did Cyrus ever rear his ugly head again? Etc. There were so many loose ends when the game finally whimpered to an end and it's unfortunate I didn't get to see them through.

But Elim's right about all things coming to an end, and as much as I would've liked a cleaner ending I know that nothing could reproduce the scenario we were in before. The relationships wouldn't be as effortless, all the right people will never be together again, and it will never be the game I knew. So I just have my logs and fond memories, and am left to wonder in the free moments it flits through my head what happened to the little band of hooligans that never fully grew up.

[Ewali]

Thanks for writing this, Elim. It brought a smile to my face and made me full of nostalgia. I know exactly what you mean about RP being your teenage addiction, it was the same for me. I'll never forget all the fun, all the drama, all the awesome people (and some of the less awesome people!), the friendship and the world we escaped into. Sometimes I miss it, but I know I can never go back. There's always the memories, though. Thank you, everyone!

[Msasi]

GUUUUUYS. <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

elimnyama said:

and that an invitation from someone playing a lion to "go back to his cave with him" is not so that the two of you can have a chat about how much you love Disney movies.

BWAHAHAHA! XDD Oh, the things we must learn the hard way, eh?

Also. BABA AND WASET'S LOVE WAS LIKE A LOVING RIVER OF LOVE, LOVE! </VG Cats quote that I probaly mangled beyond recognition because I am too lazy to go check to make sure it's anywhere near correct> (also, Baba + Waset were awesome)

kamau said:

am left to wonder in the free moments it flits through my head what happened to the little band of hooligans that never fully grew up.

KAMAU. If we can somehow ever snag Onaedo (I KNOW YOU ARE OUT THERE, WOMAN), I swear we will have to try to finish that scene, or RP them a bit here on the board or something. It's mostly my fault that scene fizzled and died, but these three troublemakers pop into my thoughts every now and again and I loved Sunny so much and was sad that I lost the energy/will to do anything RP related because the three of them were awesome and I think about finishing the rescue scene, at the very least, all the dang time.

OKAY. So. I guess it's my turn now.

I was 10 years old (almost 11) when I saw The Lion King. And I was in love. I was obsessed. I had a million and ten pieces of TLK merchandise and one year we went to Disneyland and I spent all my saved up money (well over $100) on TLK plushes! My love of the movie was still strong around 1997/1998, when I was in about 8th grade and got my first look at a most wonderful invention. THE INTERNET.

I loved the internet from the first second I was on it (and that love would lead me to going to a tech high school and going college for web design). One of the very first things I searched for was Disney and, by extension, Lion King. I discovered Lion King fanart and fanfiction. And then one day I came across a reference to Lion King MUCK. A bit of searching told me it was roleplay, which greatly interested me because I always loved playing pretend and I loved to write stories (lulz, ok: one time I wrote a Star Wars fanfic, right? And it was, like, 45 pages of the story going absolutely NOWHERE - AND it was all ONE PARAGRAPH because I didn't understand paragraphs) but I was proud of it because it was a lot of pages and when you're 11 and think a 1 page report is long, 45 pages is A LOT) so I figured roleplay and I would be a perfect match!

It took me some searching and lots of going I DUN UNDERSTAND before I figured out what I needed to download to play and then how to make it work. THEN I couldn't even get a character on TLKM because at the time they wouldn't allow you to have an AOL email or a free email or something? I forget which. Either way, I had the one they didn't allow, so I was sad. And then I got a bright idea to look for OTHER MUCKs and found African Tails, which became my first MUCK.

And guys, I was not always the WORDY WORD WITH THE WORDS poser that I came to be (I LIKE WORDS). When I started, I was like any newbie and I was a TWINK and everything. One of my very first RPs (if not THE very first!) was at the waterhole with Ewali (and a couple other people I don't remember) and I don't know why Ewali didn't run away screaming when she RP'd with me (it would be another couple years before we really became friends, I think). Eventually someone I was RPing with much later on went HEY YOU CAN'T DO THAT THAT IS TWINKING AND IT IS WRONG before I started to pay attention to what I was writing (WORDS!). I can remember a time when I was nervous/awed by Kings/Queens and Wizards, just like any newbie, and too scared to talk to them. I remember being denied characters for various reasons and thinking the Wizzes were being BIG FAT MEANIE HEADS only to (years later, as a Wiz myself) look back and think they were right and I was wrong and now I was the one people thought was a BIG FAT MEANIE HEAD. If you had told me my very first day of RPing that I would one day be on staff, let alone a Head Wiz, I would've thought you were crazy.

I had many, many, MANY characters over my RPing years, both on ATM/Sunrise and other places. Many who never really went anywhere and were toaded quickly. Some who I was active enough with, but never really stuck with me (including my first RP character, a lioness named Aradu). Ones I loved and cherished (Kiet, Kausha, Mkaaji). And then there are the very, VERY special ones who have stuck with me, even to this very day: Anubis, Msasi, Waset, Sundali, Khamisa, Karen (Pokemon Neo), Stenachorie and Luna (Yukon Trails/Crossroads). And usually those special ones weren't special just for the character themselves, but for the people I RP'd those characters with.

Before I started RPing, I did not think you could have a REAL friendship online. Sure there were nice people to talk to, but FRIENDS? No. FRIENDS implied a deeper connection, one that couldn't be forged through the tubes and coils of the Internet. How wrong I was... and how glad I am for that! I have made so many very dear friends through RPing. People who I could talk to as I went through those awkward teenage years, people who I could share things with, people who didn't care about if something was NERDY because we all had a lot of similar interests, people who I could get upset at and "shout" at on the Internet but who forgave me before I even apologized. JUST LIKE REAL FRIENDS. Also, funny stories and in-jokes and staff chat turning into sing-alongs and planning plots and Tilly throwing out an idea that seemed like just something silly she was saying just for the heck of it and ICE AGE became an actual TP on the MUCK with a flood and everything). JUST LIKE REAL FRIENDS (I like my friends goofy, thanks!). The characters and stories we made together over the years and various MUCKs have been fantastic and awesome... but the friendships have been the sweetest, most cherished thing. And for that I will always, ALWAYS, remember my time RPing very, very fondly.

As with most things, though, I have outgrown MUCKing a bit. There are many times when characters flitter back into my thoughts and I have the desire to RP, but working at a computer all day (and thus being tired of it by evening, usually!) and with other responsibilities to deal with, I also know that I could never, ever get back on a MUCK and log the same hours I used to back in the day. I may pop up from time to time on forums RPing a bit.. but I am so insanely slow at posting that I think anymore that I don't think too many people can put up with it. XD;

Still. While I don't see "full-time" RPing coming back into my future ever, the people I've met still enter my thoughts from time to time. As do characters (Msasi, in particular, is very stubborn about leaving). In fact, I am fairly certain the pets in my future will inherit names of beloved characters (if I ever get a female cat, she IS getting named Msasi, dangit, and my next goofy goober of a pet is being named Anubis McAnnieButt for SURE!).

So.. you know. STUFF AND WORDS.

... I love you guys. ;_____;

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Edit: DUR-HURR. My old age is catching up with me. Only now, a few hours after the fact, did I remember something I was going to add. I WAS TOO WORDY WITH WORDS AND THE WORDS DISTRACTED ME.

Anyway. I should add that even now, TLK is my FAVORITE animated movie, and at the top of my favorite movies list period. The Princess and the Frog has come very VERY VERY close and almost de-throned it (GEDDIT? Lion KING? de-THRONE? PUNNY!) as my favorite animated movie, but TLK still reigns (PUN! I KILL ME!) supreme. I make a note to watch it at least once a year. Such a gorgeous, fantastic movie to hold up so well after all these years. <3

[Elimnyama]

Nov 1, 2010 21:09:18 GMT -5 Msasi said:

elimnyama said:

and that an invitation from someone playing a lion to "go back to his cave with him" is not so that the two of you can have a chat about how much you love Disney movies.

BWAHAHAHA! XDD Oh, the things we must learn the hard way, eh?

As a fourteen year-old, unsolicited TS is a singularly terrifying experience. ;

And aww, Baba and Waset! *luvs on them* They were so awesome. And Ewali, you have always made my life!


In other news, I had a funny experience that made me think about this thread. Recently I've started writing a book and just the other day I e-mailed the first couple of chapters to my mom to get her opinion.

Of course, she enthused over how much she liked them, but then added, "You've always written so well!"

Me: "Wut? This is the first thing I've ever written. How can you possibly know how I write?"

Mom: "I used to go into your folder on the computer and read through all those files from your swamp game."

Me: "My WHAT?"

Mom: "Swamp? No, mud. It was mud, wasn't it?"

Me: ".... MUCK? Oh my god, you were reading those?"

Mom: "Well, duh, honey. I had to make sure you weren't buying cocaine or something."


... Teenage secrecy fail.


BTW, if anyone on here would like to friend me on Facebook so we don't lose touch, send me a private message on the forum and I'll direct you to my page. *hugs for all*

[Msasi]

elimnyama said:

As a fourteen year-old, unsolicited TS is a singularly terrifying experience. ;

In all my innocence, I could not figure out why anyone wanted to RP it out. I was all, "Dude, I have seen lions mating on the Discovery Channel and it doesn't look all that interesting or entertaining?"

Also. That is hilarious about your mom reading your logs. Also calling it a swamp game. XD Although that makes me wonder if my parents or my brother ever read my RP logs, and just WTF they thought of it all. I think I only mentioned "roleplay" once to my dad, and he didn't really say anything. He was probably thinking "oh good God what sort of wacky sex Internet thing is she into and do I -really- want to know the answer to that question?"

[Kione]

I'm actually really glad that I checked back here randomly at 3 in the morning. XD

Sunrise was my first MUCK experience ever, and I just happened to find it almost on accident really. Since I was a total newbie, looking back there are things I did and said that I just want to smack myself for doing. I probably made a lot of people mad or upset at me and if I did I really am sorry. Still, even though I never really was a main part of this place, Sunrise still has a small place in my heart as being the first place I found the world of roleplay.

I don't have many amazing stories to tell with Kione here, since he was kinda the weird guy in the pride who no one really knew too well. Like everyone, there are things I wish I could have finished with him, his relationship with Nyala being the biggest thing in my mind. Still, even if he will never be played out fully, I still could never forget the fun I did have on this place and the awesome people I met here.

Being the young-in of the litter here, I still get on other places to RP every now and then (mainly Meadows and Heat on the Serengeti), since I don't have as many responsibilities as I'm sure everyone else here does. Still, I find it a bit sad that I'm growing out of this stage in my life as life slowly needs more attention. I know that eventually I'll have to give it up entirely and sooner or later fall out of contact with some of the friends I've made, but the people here will always have a special place in my heart.

Bottom line, I love you guys. I wish I had found this place sooner when it was more alive so I could have more memories to share with all of you, but I wouldn't trade the ones I have for anything. I wish there was a way to balance all that life has started to throw at me with being able to stay with all of you, but clearly that just isn't possible.

So to wrap it all up, even if I never hear from anyone of you guys ever again, just know that I will always be thankful for all the times I had with you and all of the memories I've made here.

I love all you guys, and I'm so glad that I was able to meet each and every one of you.

[Msasi]

D'aww, we love you too, Kione. <3 I wish you would have found Sunrise sooner, too (you were a newbie, but we all were once and you learned a heck of a lot faster than I ever did!)! Or that my RL hadn't been so busy by the time you came around so I would have had more time to RP. Or I wish I still had time to join a MUCK now so I could RP.

Clearly, getting old and having to be all RESPONSIBLE sucks. XD

[Elimnyama]

I love you too, Kione! You were one of Elim's most favorite-est cubbehs EVAH!

But srsly, you rock. We had some awesome times!